So tonight my son asked me to play Dungeons of Five Nights at Freddy’s. Normally this is something I would say no to. Instead I said yes since I’m trying to gain immortality through new experiences.

I was watching Vsauce the other day and Michael was going on about how as we get older each new year is a smaller and smaller percentage of our lives. New experiences tend to stick in our minds better than the same old drudgery. So I’m giving this whole saying “Yes” thing a go.

Enough preamble.

Remus asked who I wanted to be. I said an electrician figuring I could do a number on the animatronics. He said there weren’t any electricians - which I find hard to believe with how many robots are in this game. I ended up going with a security guard position. Not what Rem was expecting me to pick apparently. Keeping the DM off guard!

It turns out that I really didn’t have any weapons to fend off these robotic serial killers, just a flashlight and tablet. My only hope is to use a Freddy mask to trick them into leaving me alone. The problem there is the mask will shoot metal spikes into my head if I wear it for more than 15 seconds.

I tried to pull apart whatever electronics I could find. Maybe create some sort of crude taser to short circuit these psychopaths. Unfortunately there weren’t enough spare parts in the office to build anything.

A few close calls with Chicka and Freddy later I try to call 911. The phone is dead and I am extremely upset with my employers who pay me a measly $150 dollars a week to risk my life guarding this horror show. Why? I don’t even know. The animatronics seem to do a fine job themselves. They could certainly handle some thief in the night.

Amazingly I manage to survive the night. It’ll take some convincing to get back to work the next day. $150 is not nearly enough. What is that, $30/night? This gig is sub minimum wage!!

Offering my neck to a bunch of bloodthirsty man eating animatronics hardly seems an appropriate path to immortality.

Can’t wait for tomorrow!